If your son or daughter fully enjoys playing sports, you don’t need to read this post. However, if you would like to make your kid’s soccer experience more fun, I hope this post may provide you some insights.
This is one of the parenting skills I have to learn. If I get this skill, I’m sure I can create a better relationship with my kids. I’m not a professional soccer player or coach. But I don’t think I need a soccer player’s technique or knowledge or experience to get this skill.
What I needed to do is to learn the bad parent actions that affect youth soccer players. I read many books and try some actions.
I would like to share 4 actions that I changed to create a good relationship with my son.
1. Change Goal Setting that is not Results but for Core values & Life lessons.
- Would you like your child to win the soccer match and score a goal?
- Would you like your child to be a professional soccer player?
My answer to 1st question is “Yes”.
I always want my son to get a goal to win a game and play an aggressive role.
But my answer to 2nd question is “No”.
I don’t ask my son to be a professional soccer player or get a scholarship to go to college.
Why did you need to ask your son for results?
Not at all.
I realize that the most important thing that I’m looking for is that I want my son to learn life lessons that he may need when he will be an adult and get some core values.
I picked up these core values and life lessons.
2. Control my emotion and respect my kid’s emotions.
Previously when I watched my son’s soccer game on the sideline, I had to scream to my son like
“Run! Get the ball!”
“Don’t give up! Keep chasing!”
It was not for my son.
It was not advice.
It was not encouraging my son.
It was for me.
I can’t control my emotion.
I don’t care about my kid’s emotions.
I don’t want my parents to scream on the sideline.
3. Allow mistake and find a good play
After the game, on the way home I usually evaluated his play and spent more time talking about his mistakes than good play. I try to find his weak point to improve his skill and make sure which practice he will do.
My son clearly lost concentration and show he doesn’t want to hear “my advise”. I forced my son to listen to my talk to improve his skill. It’s for my son.
But I changed my attitude that I tried not to evaluate his play and just praise his hard work and told him how much I enjoyed the game and talked about the moment when I was excited. He listens to my talk this time. He wants to forget about his mistake and confirm if I won’t miss his good play.
4. Relax and Fun
Last Saturday the soccer league was started. I didn’t scream or give any advice to my son. I tried to encourage him and his teammate and praised the good play or good try when he failed. We lost the game but it was a good game for me and my son.
I enjoyed the game and really proud of my son’s hard work. He proved that he could run hard without my scream.
I learn from “Changing the Game by John O’Sullivan” that parent attitude is really important for youth players to feel fun. I want him to enjoy playing soccer.
I changed the attitude of my “practice”. I changed my word to my son from “Shall we go to a park to practice soccer?” to “Shall we go to a park to play soccer?” Practice is fun for me but not fun for him. 1st priority was how to improve his skill and fun was secondary. But now 1st priority is how to fun!
Previously I decided the practice menu.
Again, I’m not a professional coach and no knowledge and experience at all.
I changed my attitude to ask my son how to play. If my son says “Shall we do a penalty shoutout?” then answer “Yes! we can do that!”
Then I introduced a game-based approach. If he got a goal I put a ball with a longer distance to make the shot more difficult. If he thinks it’s boring I don’t like to do that because it’s not a practice but a playing.
Then now we can enjoy playing to improve soccer skills withtout breaking the relationship with my son.
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